Realistically consider a variety of factors, to determine which sleep training method is best for your family.
The time has come to sleep train! Your child needs better sleep and you're ready to dive in and sleep train.
But when you Google "sleep training methods" you're overwhelmed with the plethora of options and the mixed messaging around which one works best.
The good news?! It doesn't really matter which method you choose, as long as you choose one you can enforce consistently.
There are so many methods because each family's dynamic is different. No single method will appeal to every family.
I like to group the various sleep training approaches into 3 levels of parental involvement:
No involvement.
Extinction (also called cry-it-out).
Moderate involvement.
Timed intervals (or Ferber), Wave method, or any other method with periodic interaction.
Highly involved.
Chair method, Layering, or any other method that requires significant parental presence or hands-on interaction.
When you commit to a method, you are committing to a certain level of involvement.
Pro Tip: When in doubt, start with a highly involved or moderately involved method. You can always reduce your level of involvement. In fact, you usually see your child's progress significantly speed up when you are less involved.
But if you become more involved during sleep training, you will confuse your child.
For example, if you start with timed intervals and then switch to chair method, your child's progress will be significantly delayed.
To guide you through this selection process, I've created a series of questions to consider when selecting a sleep training method.
It is not a comprehensive list but works as a great starting point, as you weigh your options.
Questions to Consider when Choosing a Sleep Training Method
How involved do I want to be with my child's falling asleep process, and returning to sleep process when they wake in the night?
How old is my child?
How well do I tolerate my child's crying?
What is my timeline?
Why do I want to sleep train my child?
What is my child's temperament?
Am I sleep training one child or multiple simultaneously?
Am I worried about the impact this will have on my relationship with my child?
Am I doing this alone or with a spouse/partner?
Are there additional people who care for my child, that will need to be involved with sleep training?
Have I tried sleep training before? If so, why didn't it work?
Do I have PPD/PPA or any other mental health concerns I need to consider?
Do I have unresolved trauma from my childhood that will impact my ability to sleep train?
You'll have to rank the priority of each question and answer. You may find that your answers lead to contradictory methods.
For example:
- If you answered that you only have 3 days to sleep train, you'll need to pick extinction or timed intervals to see progress the quickest.
- But if you also answered that you have no tolerance for listening to your child cry, you would need to use a hands-on approach, like layering. But that typically takes a month or more to see significant progress.
If that's the case, you have to decide if you:
Need to pick a different time to sleep train.
Or if you need to invest in noise cancelling headphones or ear plugs for 3 days.
Know Your "Why"
Be honest with yourself about why you want to sleep train.
If you're concerned about your child's health and development from lack of sleep, you may be able to put aside personal concerns (like hearing them cry).
If you're on the verge of a mental, emotional, and/or physical breakdown from your own lack of sleep, you may need to forego worrying that sleep training will impact your relationship with your child.
Sidenote: Parents in this position often realize their own total exhaustion is already taking its toll on their relationship with their child.
No matter which method you choose, the beginning is usually hard. Having a clear "why" can motivate and guide you through those initial stages of sleep training.
Honestly consider your family's unique situation and pick what feels right to YOU.
(And anyone who judges or shames you, doesn't know your needs or circumstances. Their opinion is worth as much as it cost to give it - which is nothing!).
If you're still feeling overwhelmed or would like hands-on support during this process, checkout my services HERE. I can help craft a sleep training plan based on your family's unique needs. You and your child deserve quality sleep!
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