Mistakes, wins, and lessons learned along the way (from a certified pediatric sleep consultant).
Some parents are excited to have their kids share a room.
I was not that parent.
Perhaps it's because I'm a certified pediatric sleep consultant; I knew how moving siblings into the same room could jumpstart a variety of bedtime battles and unprecedented issues.
But with baby #3 on the way at the end of 2023, and only 3 bedrooms upstairs, I knew the transition was inevitable.
Read below for an overview of my two biggest mistakes, my two biggest wins, and tips for when you're ready to move your kids into the same room.
Mistake 1: Sucking the joy out of the situation
My oldest was 4 and my youngest was 2 when I moved them into the same room. Terrified of bedtime spiraling out of control, I came in hot with strict rules and expectations:
No getting out of bed.
No playing.
Don't talk.
Do not wake each other up.
And probably some others that I don't remember now.
Well turns out that listing out a bunch of intense rules made my oldest resent having her little sister move into her room. I'd been laying the groundwork for a month to pump her up to share a room - then immediately squashed all the excitement.
I quickly backpedaled the following days. But then overcorrected by encouraging too much interaction...sigh.
3 things I'd do differently:
>> 1. I would hold a family meeting the day of the transition.
Then I could have set a tone of excitement AND communicated expectations. See the next point for more details.
>> 2. During the meeting, I would discuss consequences ahead of time so we all knew how to handle possible disruptions.
For example:
If you play with your toys, I'll remove them from the room. (Or if you already know that will be an issue, just remove the toys at bedtime each night proactively).
If you turn on the lights, I'll remove the lightbulb.
If you open the curtains, I'll cover the windows.
If you leave the room, I'll [put the gate up, close the door, put the child lock on, etc.]
And so on.
NOTE: Communicating consequences ahead of time has 2 huge benefits:
1) Makes it less emotional or stressful for you to enforce because you already have a gameplan.
2) Shows your kids that when you say you'll enforce a consequence, that you do it.
This demonstrates sturdy leadership that makes the child feel safe - even if in the moment they are angry with the consequence.
>> 3. And I would definitely move bedtime up earlier in the evening.
This allows them time to talk, sing, interact, and get some wiggles out without it pushing their actual bedtime (as in, the time they fell asleep) too late.
Opportunities to interact as young kids, without mom or dad around, is good for kids.
But because I was stressed about bedtime getting too late, I used strictness, admonishing, and occasional yelling to try and make them comply. None of us enjoyed it. Once I moved bedtime up it gave them time to bond; and I felt more comfortable with giving them that time and space.
NOTE: Sometimes they still stay up too late. Sometimes I still get angry. This didn't solve everything. But it helped immensely.
Mistake 2: Not preparing the room adequately
I naively thought that all I needed to do was move my 2 year old's crib into her sister's bedroom.
How silly of me.
What I quickly discovered in the following weeks was that I needed to do a complete analysis of the room and reconfigure the space to set my girls up for sleep success.
The bedroom was setup for my oldest daughter's temperament and behavior. For all the ways in which my oldest daughter is challenging to raise, she is wonderful in being my obedient rule follower. (Let's not over-analyze the ways that this trait might be a problem for a future therapist to tackle).
Even the cord coverings were attached to the wall via picture hanging style command strips because I knew she'd never pull them off the wall.
But my second daughter is curious, mischievous, and gets into everything.
Even now, months later, I'm still adjusting their room setup to keep my second from grabbing things, opening the curtains, unplugging the camera monitor, etc.
My second daughter (who is almost 3 now) is still in a crib. She's been wreaking havoc from merely arm's reach of her crib! And their room is not very big, which means she can reach a lot.
3 things I'd do differently:
>> 1. Have a good toy storage solution in place ahead of time.
Since then I've purchased the Billy bookcase from Ikea. Now I can stack their toys vertically, far away from my daughter's reach. My next step is to buy the doors for the bookcase and possibly put a child lock on them. This is because in the coming year I'll need to switch my second daughter to a bed and I don't think she'll be able to control the impulse to leave the toys alone if they are exposed and reachable.
If you don't have the space or budget for toy storage, or think your child would still get into them anyway, consider buying a large tote that you can store their toys in at night and then bring back during the day.
It may feel over-the-top to take their toys out each night, or simply annoying to do right now, but you won't have to do it forever.
I'm a huge proponent of setting your child up for success rather than punishing them for not following rules that might be too hard for their age, temperament, or abilities.
>> 2. Drill the cord covers into the wall and buy an outlet cover for the plug.
Once my second-born discovered the cord covers came off the wall, it was game over. The room wasn't big enough for me to move the crib far enough away from the cords without putting her within arm's reach of the curtains. I needed to cover the cords (and honestly I should have done it with a drill the first time anyway).
But I also needed to cover the entire outlet because even with the cord covered, she could still yank the plug out of the outlet. Truthfully, I'm still on the hunt for an outlet cover that I like. Toddlers are determined!
>> 3. Move or remove shelves, wall hangings, decorations, etc.
I hung a large shelf in my daughter's room to hold some stuffed animals and pictures. Even when she could reach the shelf from her bed, she never pulled stuff off the shelf. When I moved my second daughter's crib into the room, she pulled the stuffed animals and pictures off the shelf. She pulled down a decorative pom-pom garland. And took down a decorative floral wreath hanging on the wall (that one was on her sister's side, but she grabbed it during the day).
The walls are pretty plain and boring right now, but at least she can't destroy anything or get distracted by them anymore.
...
On the bright side, I also got a lot of things right! Read below for my wins.
Win 1: Having two amazing sleepers before they shared a room
As you can see, moving siblings into a room can create new sleep struggles. I've personally never met anyone who said their kid slept better after sharing a room (though there's always an exception).
So having two kids who were already amazing sleepers made a world of difference.
Aside from the delayed bedtime (as in, the time they actually fell asleep), no other sleep issues occurred. Even when one of them has woken up sick, the other daughter has either slept through it or quickly fallen back asleep.
2 Important Tips:
>> 1. Sleep train your kids in the room where you intend for them to sleep.
If you are planning on sleep training your child(ren) AND they will soon share a room, I usually recommend moving them into the same room first and then sleep training.
Otherwise, you may end up sleep training twice.
>> 2. The exception to that advice?
If one of the children is about 15 months or younger, you can sleep train the kids in their individual rooms first and then move them into the same room.
Additionally, if you're using two different methods to sleep train the children, you may want to sleep train separately and then move them into the same room.
You may have to "re-sleep train" again once they're in the same room, but it will go smoother if they already have a good sleep skillset.
Win 2: Sticking with it and getting to see my girls grow even closer
For all my mistakes, I stuck through it. I quickly pivoted and course-corrected as needed. I didn't give up and just put them back in their own rooms (though that might be a valid solution for some families).
In return, my girls have learned to play together better, invented fun games, helped each other, and overall strengthened their bond.
If we had more bedrooms, I don't think we would have willingly put our girls in the same room. But seeing their relationship grow has been an unexpected, wonderful consequence.
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