This article is written for children ages 0-4 years old.
One of the biggest sleep hurdles many parents face is battling the vicious cycle of an overtired child.
Overtired children have a harder time falling asleep, staying asleep, and sleeping until their usual wakeup time.
Contrary to what many parents think, letting your little one get exhausted rarely helps them fall asleep easier. Usually, it's the opposite.
"When our children are hungry, we feed them without delay. Just as you try not to let your child become overly hungry, so, too, you shouldn't let your child become overly tired." – Dr. Marc Weissbluth
How does this happen?
An overtired child happens when a child’s initial sleep drive (or sleep wave) is missed. This most often occurs because parents don't know how to recognize when their child is tired, or they are unwilling (or unable - like when their child is at daycare) to prioritize their child's sleep.
Babies generally progress into the overtired stage after their initial sleepy stage.
Older toddlers and preschoolers who miss their sleepy stage typically experience a misleading surge of energy; and then either a total meltdown or wild behavior occurs during the overtired stage.
Why does this happen so often to children and how can you (the parent or caregiver) help avoid it?
Overtired Newborns
The main reason newborns get overtired is because parents overestimate how long a newborn should be awake.
While there is variation among newborns, full-term newborns can generally only stay awake for 30-60 minutes at a time.
That includes the time they’re awake to nurse, change their diaper, their outfit, let alone do any stimulating activities.
After that the window is up; and they need to sleep!
The great news is that most newborn sleepy cues are easy to read – if you know what to look for.
Typical newborn sleepy cues include:
yawning
red eyebrows
turning their head to avoid interaction
mild fussing
But because newborns have such short wake windows, they get overtired quickly.
Typical newborn overtired cues include:
crying hard
screaming
arching their back
difficult to soothe
What can YOU do to help your newborn avoid becoming overtired?
Familiarize yourself with their sleepy cues and be quick to offer naps.
Learn how to prep your little one for sleep.
Experiment with extending short naps (under 50 minutes long) by trying to soothe your newborn back to sleep.
If they take a short nap, be prepared to offer their next nap sooner than usual.
Keep in mind that wake windows often stretch out longer during the day (even for newborns!).
This means their first wake window of the day is usually shortest (closer to 30-45 minutes) and their last wake window before bed is the longest (45-60 minutes).
What if it’s too late and my newborn is already screaming?
Know that you are a great parent and newborns are hard.
Your job is to find the most effective way to soothe them.
These 5 steps work wonders for most newborns.
Take them outside for fresh air and a change of scene.
Switch the soothing parent/caregiver out for a new adult.
Rock, bounce, nurse/feed, swing, music, dancing, etc. – we just need to help the baby move out of an overstimulated, overtired stage into a calmer stage.
Once baby is calm, offer a nap.
If they have a preferred napping position (such as on mama’s chest, dad’s arms, the stroller, etc.) then try to accommodate that to allow them a chance to get their much-needed sleep.
Now is NOT the time to practice laying them down in their crib (if they struggle with sleeping there).
Overtired Babies (4+ months)
Once your baby has transitioned out of the newborn phase, their wake windows will begin to lengthen slowly (but keep in mind that a 4 month old baby usually can’t stay awake as long as a 6 month old baby).
Around this time, I have my clients transition away from wake windows towards a more structured, scheduled day. By 5 months of age, most babies can succeed on a schedule if it aligns with their circadian rhythm.
(+) The plus side of a schedule is that the clock does a lot of the work for you.
(-) The downside of a schedule is that it’s easy to overlook your baby’s sleepy cues until it’s too late.
Motto: Keep one eye on the clock and one eye on the baby.
Sleepy cues for babies include:
yawning
zoning out
avoiding eye contact
mild fussing or crying
Overtired cues for babies include:
crying hard
screaming
difficulty falling asleep
waking up soon after falling asleep (like a 20 minute nap, or waking up 45 minutes into bedtime)
What can YOU do to help your baby avoid becoming overtired?
Familiarize yourself with their sleepy cues and be quick to offer naps, while doing your best to follow their schedule.
If you think they need to stay awake a little longer (5-15 minutes) change up their activity:
go outside, read a book, dance to a song, etc.
Prep your little one for sleep using a short naptime or bedtime routine.
Experiment with extending short naps (less than 50 minutes) by either:
Giving your baby space to try and fall back asleep – 20 minutes is a great benchmark to determine if they’ll go back to sleep on their own.
Soothing them back to sleep:
offer a pacifier
gently rock their chest
pick them up and snuggle
etc.
If they take a short nap and do not fall back asleep, offer the next nap or their bedtime sooner than usual.
An early bedtime works wonders for an overtired baby!
What if it’s too late and my baby is already screaming?
Know that you are a great parent and babies are hard.
Decide what your baby needs from you, to help calm them down.
If baby is resisting soothing and getting more worked up:
You may need to rock, bounce, nurse them to sleep, drive them around in your car (for naps).
Or you may need to simply offer the nap or put them to bed and give them some space to figure it out.
In these cases, I often recommend setting a timer for an allotted amount of time, after which the parent goes in to try soothing them again.
Sleep Training Notes
If you are actively sleep training your child and they're getting overtired, this is a sign to adjust their schedule – even if just temporarily.
I’ve asked many clients to shift naptime up until their baby is having restorative naps with little to no struggles with falling asleep.
You can always shift your schedule to where you want it, once your baby is well-rested.
Embrace the early bedtime! Parents usually fear that if they put their child to bed earlier, their little one will wake earlier.
But in fact the vast majority of children will sleep longer and later in the morning if they can get to bed early. It’s a powerful tool for restoring their sleep.
Overtired Toddlers (15+ months)
By age 15-18 months, we see a trifecta of sleep challenges appear:
Many toddlers stop showcasing obvious sleepy cues.
They may also develop a sense of FOMO that helps them push through tiredness in pursuit of fun activities.
They drop to only one nap during the day. If that nap goes poorly, they can easily get trapped in an overtired cycle.
For 3 and 4 year olds who no longer nap, it's especially important that they go to bed at an appropriate time.
Toddler sleepy cues:
slowing down
zoning out
getting quieter
But remember that if there is something stimulating happening around them, they can easily push through sleepy cues/not show them at all.
Toddler overtired cues:
hyper activity
silliness
tantrums
hard crying
screaming
What can YOU do to help your toddler avoid becoming overtired?
Establish a sleep schedule.
Move bedtime earlier if they didn’t nap well.
Teach them self-soothing skills.
Prioritize their naps.
Avoid driving close to naptime – a 5 minute car nap has been known to somehow replace a toddler’s usual 2 hour nap.
Watch the clock – sleepy cues become less obvious so a clock can be your most reliable ally.
Prep them for sleep.
Cutoff screen time at least one hour before bedtime.
Lower the lights, take them into their room, and avoid overly stimulating activities within 20-30 minutes of naptime or bedtime. This helps to kickstart their production of melatonin.
Use a bedtime routine to offset stalling (particularly in older toddlers or young preschoolers).
What if it’s too late and my toddler is already overtired?
Know that you are a great parent and not every nap or bedtime goes perfectly.
Decide what your toddler needs from you, to help calm them down.
If your toddler is resisting soothing and getting more worked up:
You may need to snuggle, nurse them to sleep, or drive them around for 1.5-2 hours in your car (if it's naptime).
Or you may need to simply offer the nap or put them to bed and give them some space to figure it out.
In these cases, I often recommend setting a timer for an allotted amount of time, after which the parent goes in to check on them.
Sleep Training Notes
If you are actively sleep training your child and they're getting overtired, this is a sign to adjust their schedule – even if just temporarily.
I’ve asked many clients to shift naptime up until their toddler is having restorative naps with little to no struggles with falling asleep.
We adjust their schedule, after their toddler has learned to self-soothe and sleep consistently.
Embrace the early bedtime! Parents usually fear that if they put their child to bed earlier, then the little one will wake earlier.
But in fact the vast majority of children will sleep longer and later in the morning if they can get to bed early. It’s a powerful tool for restoring their sleep.
This tip applies even to older children and adults! Embrace the magic of restorative bedtime sleep.
Always give yourself grace
Listen, it is impossible to handle every nap or bedtime perfectly. So perfection is not the goal. The goal is to learn your child's sleepy cues, avoid an overtired child whenever possible, and have a game plan ready for the inevitable days they do get overtired.
Feel stuck in an endless cycle of naptime + bedtime battles? Or you worry that your little one is chronically overtired with a huge sleep debt? Contact me for one-on-one personalized help to get your little one's sleep on track!
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